How’d this turd get on the windowsill?

I got my son a box of pranks for Christmas (because he loves doing practical jokes).

It came with a ice cube with a fly in it, a bloody bandage that lets you pretend that your finger was stabbed through with a nail, and of course, fake poop.

When Calvin first got it, I could see that his mind was reeling with the possibilities of where he should put the poop to get the biggest laughs.

In someone’s shoe?

On Dad’s pillow?

It turned out he casually left it on the window sill by the stairs. And when my husband saw it there he was perplexed.

Who did this?

Was it the baby or the dog?

How in the hell did Ella or George poop in the windowsill?? Is that even possible?

Calvin was more than willing to take credit for the poop (I would have let the mystery drag on a little longer).

Next, the fake poop got left on the floor under the computer. And George’s reaction (btw, George is my dog) was priceless and disturbing.

He saw it and without missing a beat, ate it. Once it was in his jaws he seemed genuinely disappointed that it was fake…

… which is why you never let him kiss you on the lips.

Where am I going with this?

This prank set might be the most played-with present this  Christmas season in my house. I was the one that bought this $20 prank set. It doesn’t really solve a problem, I’m just bored and love it when my kids play practical jokes on each other.

Sometimes we buy things for highly illogical reasons.

And so do our customers.

We may have a list of benefits in front of us, but we’ll never know the quirky reasons for buying or be able to collect the random testimonial unless we keep in close contact with our customers.

And that is why I love daily emails.

It makes it easy for your customers to find you when they need you (because your emails are always in their inbox).

They can hit reply and tell you what they think, good or bad, at any time. All that feedback is a gold mine for marketing.
And it makes it a lot easier to sell most products.

WAY too much traffic.

Last night we were driving up 285 toward Carlsbad, NM, (still on the Texas side) when we hit a pothole hard.

The air exploded out of our tire. My husband steered the van onto the shoulder of the road while a speeding semi bore down on us from behind.

We drove as far down into the shallow ditch as we could, dumped a dozen Christmas presents onto the dirt to get at the spare and got to work.

Meanwhile, tankers and other huge trucks continued to speed by… going 80, 90 miles per hour. This was insane!

The narrow two-lane road was in terrible shape, potholes everywhere and yet the drivers were treating it like it was a freeway.
There was just too much traffic.
The oil companies are clearly making lots of money, but the infrastructure is falling apart.
Most business owners have the opposite problem. Their products are ready to go, but they aren’t getting enough traffic to make consistent sales.
If this sounds familiar, we should talk.
I can write the kind of engaging content that will bring new customers to your site, engage your audience, give them a reason to sign up for your newsletter and buy from you.
If you want to get more traffic and make more sales in 2018, let’s get started now.

My husband is going to hate this (and love it)

I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help it.

I have a rivalry with my husband over money. Even though he has always made more moolah than me, I still dream of raking in more than he does.

When I told him today that I was offering a package where my clients get daily emails for $1,500 a month he did some quick calculations and said, “Hey! That would mean that I have to go to work for eight hours every day… and yet you could make more than me by writing FOUR lousy EMAILS???”

Yes! I could! (Tee hee).

But listen. When it comes to emails, it doesn’t matter how much time I spend doing them. In fact, the time I put in is completely irrelevant.

Then only thing that matters is how much each email converts. If someone is making sales every day from their emails, this deal makes a lot of sense.

If you or anyone you know is looking for a daily email copywriter, call me.

(It will drive my husband nuts! But he’ll also be thrilled because we’ll be able to get a new mattress. And you’ll be thrilled because of all the sales you’ll be making.)

Talk to you soon!
P.S. This week I am running a special on three case studies for only $395. To get this limited time deal, send an email with the subject line “Three case studies” to [email protected] before midnight on Friday, October 6th.  This offer is first come first served.

I’m squishy and I know it

I have to admit, I’ve been feeling pretty neurotic about my clothes in the weeks leading up to the Titanides Live event and Bootcamp.
I mean, it’s a professional event where you want to stand out and get clients. And so… I should buy new clothes, right?
And that was what I planned to do. I had my eye on a black and white dress with a cool gold zipper down the front. I tried it on. It fit like a glove, showing off all of my curves. Nice!
But when I walked out of the dressing room the sales lady told me that I really should wear Spanx with that dress, or some other type of supportive hosiery.
Rather than give her $200 of my hard-earned money, I left in a huff. I’m not going to buy a dress from someone who tells me that I look fat and gross in it.
So I spent the next week stressing out about my body. Was my midsection so out of control that I needed control top nylons? Should I buy a corset on my way to the airport? Why, oh why didn’t I work harder cutting carbs?
The event was drawing nearer, and I didn’t have any time to buy new clothes. And I didn’t have any opportunity to buy any highly restrictive undergarments to help me suck it all in. How on earth would I be able to present myself in public???
Then the night before my flight, I was in the tub. My three-year-old burst into the room threw off her clothes and did a belly flop onto my soapy body.
(Moms have no privacy.)
“You are so squishy!” she squealed with delight. And I could see in her face nothing but pure joy and love. I was so focused on hiding my squishiness, but my daughter thought it was wonderful.
I so needed that. As women, we’re constantly told we need to be smaller, flatter, thinner or whatever. I need to buy more clothes and completely change the shape of my body.
But that’s complete bullshit. I’m squishy. Ella thinks its awesome.
I showed up to the Titanides retreat with my normal clothes. I hadn’t lost an ounce. I don’t look perfect.
And the day was amazing. The women talked about how to find a good mentor, how to get the readers heartstrings involved, how to write for a conscious consumer, how to renegotiate contracts when things have gone off the rails.
We talked about telling stories that move people and how to tell the difference between a professional transition and a transformation.
Sorry, this is kind of a jumble. I’m taking it all in.  I enjoyed the powerful messages from women who all seem to truly understand that life and business are never perfect and yet we need to learn how to get what we need.
The day was a blessing!

Talk to you soon!
P.S. I have a busy few days ahead of me. If you need me to write some copy, the best way to reach me is to send an email at [email protected].